So, who taught you about marriage?

Okay, I'm curious to know if any one out there has a clue about marriage. I mean, wereyou taught about marriage? (this question is for singles, as well as married)

Did your mother or father teach you about marriage? Surely, your grandmother did, right? Oh, but of course, you received great lessons on marriage in college, huh?

Or maybe you're just like me...I didn't even have my first lesson until the day I said, "I do!"

So, how are we supposed to know about the do's and don'ts. Or the why and how to's. Speaking for the young ladies, most of us have heard it said that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Hmmm? Okay, after I feed him and he's fat and full, now what do I do?

Marriage today is the most fly by night adventure of the 21st century. It's the less thought out endeavor of this day and age. So many of us have been guilty of handling our marriages as if it's a used rag that's only good for wiping up old mess, dusting off the furnishings or drying the car, truck or van.

But, how can we get the help that we need to be better husbands, wives or even children when the only guide is in the pages of the local T.V. Guide, the favorite 30 minute sitcom, or neighbor Jenkins' wife who is a drunk during the day and a stripper by night? (this is an over-exaggeration)

Aren't there family members who chose to stay together throughout their growing pains or grandparents who still see themselves as the budding lovers they were 50 years ago? Sometimes, it's amazing to discover the often overlooked married relationships that are right under our nose that should be celebrated!

I believe it's important to understand that marriage is one of the most complex, yet simplest relationships that passion, love, and care can easily be expressed from. And many of those who are most dear to us have much to be shared regarding the subject. Now, I know what you're saying...that if I have to expect and receive advice from Aunt Deb or Grandma Helen, then I'll pass up that information because they were both miserable in their marriages. Well, that just may be one of the wisest choices yet, because every married person is not qualified to screen and judge your future or present marriage.

This is why marriage education is of great value and can offer much to the individuals who are willing to consider the lifetime union. From personal experience, receiving marriage education or marriage counsel was very beneficial to me and my husband. Much of the per se "normal issues" that occur in the first year of marriage were avoided because of the counsel we received.

Not only that, but I also believe that relationship courses should be taught in our educational arenas. You see, that's exactly what marriage is...a relationship! We complicate much of the process of marriage by the blinding ceremonial performances. Now, I'm not against weddings and ceremonies, at all. For I was one of the best brides-maids before marriage and made a fine bride in my own wedding ceremony. My point is that many times we get lost in the wedding precessional and we forget the fact that there will be a "day after" Hmmm. Think about that.

Real-a-tionships is the matter at hand. Most of us are tired of these motivational speeches and cliches' that tell us to just love and submit. We long for truthful couples to offer us livable advice to apply to our marriages, realistically.

Relationship courses should be taught as part of middle school and high school curriculum, in my opinion. This will teach our children how to relate to one another in school as well as in the home. Then, when marriage enters the script of life, individuals have already been given principles of relationships. You see, regardless if it deals with husband to wife, brother to sister, parent to child, pastor to minister, employer to employee...it is all relationships. It is when we take the mysticism out of our fairy-tale perceptions of marriage when we realize that it's as simple as a choice. Think about that!

Till next time. Let me hear what you think.

-Elaine

A Marriage Blog?

A few weeks ago, I was walking the aisles of my nearest Borders bookstore and I found magazines of every interest, except the interest of my own that particular day.

There were sports magazines, gun magazines, craft magazines, business magazines, fishing magazines and a host of other magazines. Some of which I am still in awe of. But nonetheless, they were all there professionally propped for the eye to see.

I caught myself getting a bit distracted by all the interesting titles and covers. But, what about what I was looking for? I looked and I looked and I simply could not find a magazine about...MARRIAGE.

So, then I thought to myself and quietly questioned what my curious mind could conceive, "Why?" "Why was there not any magazines on marriage?"

This question led up to a multitude of others:
Are there any other persons interested in reading a magazine about marriage?
Is marriage a dead and fading tradition? A thing of the past?
Do people have any questions about marriage?
If there's no interest, then why not?

So, I shared this thought with my husband...I know, you thought I was single, huh? Well, let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I am a 35 yr. old business partner of a non-profit organization, motivational speaker, up-coming author, educator, wife of my biz-partner and best friend of 13 yrs, and mother of 6.

Whew! A mouthful, I know!

You see, my interest in a marriage magazine was a need of my own. Hopeful of finding something to whiz through, not a book to read. Read? Do I really have time to read? Did you see the above mentioned 6 children? I mean, I believe in reading, most definitely. But, while waiting to meet clients in a bookstore, I only needed to skim through information.

Since being married with 6 daughters (did I mention I had all girls?...hmmm) simply means that I have more of a reason to fight for my marriage relationship. It means that I am always eager to learn, adjust and change my life for the better. I guess little girls have that affect on me. Not to mention we were meeting our newest clients, a family.

My husband and I are (MFRC's) Marriage, Family and Relationship Coaches whose passion is to strengthen families by giving them the tools to have and maintain healthy, successful relationships in marriage and parenting.

So, my quest that fateful day was disappointing. I found that I was alone in my search, but my new mission is to find out if there are other persons who feel like I do and would love to have dialogue about...Marriage.

Anyway, if you're out there, please respond!
Questions? Comments? Suggestions?
Married? Divorced? Single? Widowed?
Pet Owners? Non-Pet Owners (okay, somebody stop me...I'm going too far)
All are welcome! Let's talk.

p.s. - Realizing that marriage has taken on a new definition in this 21st century, I am speaking regarding traditional marriages between a husband and wife, yet I am hopeful to have mature, adult dialogue regarding other definitions of marriage.

Respectfully,

Elaine